


My Favourite Shades of Blue

by PandaEmpress



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Bittersweet, I'm Sorry, M/M, My First Fanfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2016-12-21
Packaged: 2018-09-10 21:05:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8939296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PandaEmpress/pseuds/PandaEmpress
Summary: I honestly didn't know what scared me more, the thought of dying or the thought of leaving you alone.





	

~~ ~~ _Cancer._

_AKA My death sentence._

 

  
Your eyes were what drew me into you, to be honest.

That night we met on that park bench near your apartment. They sparkled, practically bursting with confidence and yet ever so slightly dulled by something I could never quite put my finger on.

Looking at you now its hard to believe the dullness had ever been there to begin with.

"Yuuri-"

"Hm?"

"You're pouting again."

A smile. _A beautiful smile._  And there it is-

"Am not!"

the sparkle. As if the stars were born from your eyes.

"You've been doing that since we met and to this very day you deny it every time."

A laugh. _A beautiful laugh._ The thought of it fading...

**You could never know.**

_I won't allow it._

There's some pain. I force a smile, sugary sweet. It could probably rot your teeth.

"And I'll deny it all the way to my grave," I declare stubbornly.

I take a sip of my coffee, watching you smile fondly at me. It reaches your eyes and my heart melts.

You always did have that effect on me. I smile gently.

'Forgive me,' I think.

I don't say it.

_But for the love of god, **I hope you do.**_

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Its getting colder and I lost weight again.

 

_Its getting harder._

 

**You're beginning to notice.**

 

_You're beginning to ask questions._

 

I must create some distance.

 

_Can't you just let me be selfish in peace?_

 

"Yuuri-"

"Yes, Victor?"

"If something's wrong you know I'll always be here for you, right?"

Something in me shattered. The guilt eating me from the inside out.

_You don't deserve this._

"Yeah. I know," I say in monotone, trying my hardest to keep my voice from cracking.

I don't dare look at you. I don't want to see the worry, the stress, the betrayal.

But even if I look away I can still hear your heart break. The sound is sickening. Slow cracks forming and the sudden shattering of glass.

I walk away.

And right now I'm fairly certain that had I looked up, that had I stayed I would have seen it break too. I would have seen the tremble in your lower lip, the tears forming in your eyes, your poor attempts to keep up your cheerful disposition.

'I'm so sorry,' I think.

I don't say it.

_But I **swear** to the heavens, the earth and the gods above that I am._

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

It wasn't supposed to end this early. I still had month left.

I'm standing in the middle of the supermarket when I collapse. No warning. Just extreme pain and instant darkness.

When I wake up I'm lying in a hospital bed. Cold. Machines whirring, needles sticking into my skin. People running around me like headless chickens. There's a lot of pain. It doesn't feel real.

The man whom I am assuming is the doctor speaks.

" _You don't have much time,"_ he says gravely as he gives some strange signal to the nurse by the door who then calls out to someone I cannot see.

Victor. Panting. Tears in his eyes. The sparkle I cherished so dearly long gone. He's beautiful. Inside and out.

 _It gets a little colder._ The pain beginning to numb. Or maybe I'm dreaming.

"Yuuri-"

The anguish heavy in his voice.

"Yes, Victor?," I manage to croak out.

"Why?"

"I didn't wanna hurt you-"

"Well I'm fucking hurt, Yuuri! What the hell did you expect to happen?!"

I can't even get a word out before he breaks down sobbing.

I cry too.

_was it always this cold?_

"I wanted to keep you happy for as long as I could. I didn't plan it like this-," my voice cracks and I let out a sob.

_"I was supposed to have more time."_

He says nothing, moving to sit to my left. Those beautiful blue sky eyes have become a sea of desperation and pain. Tears flowing freely. He holds my hand, kisses my cheek and looks me in the eyes.

I'm growing weaker by the second.

"Vict-," I start.

"I fucking love you, Yuuri. God. _I love you_ "

I can only stare in shock. My heart slowly ripping itself to shreds but at the same time an overwhelming happiness fills me to the brim. Its bittersweet.

I've taken too long now.

I try to speak but my mouth will not open. I'm freezing and everything is going dark.

 _This wasn't supposed to happen._ I don't want to die.

 _'I love you too,'_  I think desperately.

I don't say it.

_I can't say it_

_**But good fucking god,** _

I swear I do.

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic :3 I hope it wasnt too bad.


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